I'm a liar all you want.

Say I'm a whore till your lips don't curl after.


I know what I am.

You don't.


You wish you did.


If you knew me half as well as you think you did.
You'd know I wasn't lying.
And you'd understand that I'm only informing you of the situation because you have every right to know that you might be next.


Be a fucking prick all you like.
I'm only trying to look out for you.
I'm only letting you know because you wanted me to tell you.




Take care, hopefully you won't get my fate.

how fast my mind can work sometimes.


whether it be for cheap humor, or other things.

I'm working on a few new pictures.


And I trimmed my hair because it mostly consisted of dead and split ends.


Yep



---PS!---

Deleted a lot of old self pictures.

I woke up multiple times all last night from being too hot, but swiftly changed the mood to depressed when I realized that no one was there to cuddle with.



I officially awoke with an anxiety attack once my alarm went off, along with discovering my period started.




It only got worse when I found out my mom and Nick were both all the way across town doing their own things, and I had no ride.



Luckily, Erik pulled through for me and took me to work in the knick of time.





Once at work, I started the usual routine of checking the laundry and dishes.


I placed my 44 ounce soda in the fridge to save it for later.


And... this is when I knew for sure today was going to suck.



I eventually opened up the fridge to get my drink, and BAM!
It spilled EVERYWHERE in the kitchen.



I got most of it with a towel, and finally grabbed the mop to get the rest.




Soon, I was told that everyone in boarding was getting lectures from Treatment about the way we work back in boarding.



A dog had passed away yesterday, the second dog in two months.


Abby had gotten bloat and eventually passed away.


Not too long before that, Jackson had passed away of old age.



Already in a foul mood, I decided to just get it over with and brought myself up to Kathi.



"I heard you're giving lectures?"

From the moment I said that, I started to get massively upset, and Kathi didn't take well to my tone.



So, as hard as I tried to apologize, I instead, started crying.




She gave me the lecture, and I told her I understand.



I took a few minutes to myself afterwards and eventually went back down into boarding.





The day was generally nothing more than slow, progressive hammering to my head.



I kept thinking about the things I missed, and how badly I want a cuddle buddy.



I'd like to find someone, but everyone I know is either taken, gay, or not my type.



I'd like a guy that I'd be interested in, sorry.




Anyway, I finally stared running the dogs.



Roxanne first, because she annoys the shit out of me.




I let her out, told her to "Go potty".


Roxanne got out of her kennel, started into the exercise room, BUT turned around in the door way, and fucking BIT my thigh.



It was more like a harsh nip, but regardless, her teeth pierced my flesh.



I stopped, looked at her, and was like "What the hell?"
She held on for a second till I pushed her mouth off my leg and backed her into the exercise room with my other foot.




I didn't know what to think.


I was confused, so all I did was started LAUGHING, because I was just so pissed off at today already, and that was just the icing.



I got a text from Ashley right when I was looking for Melinda, so I text her back and told her I'd gotten bit.



I informed Melinda, and eventually walked into the bathroom to take a look at the damage.



Lucky me, she did pierce my skin, but it wasn't bleeding.


It wasn't grazed either.




All I could think of is "Why today?"


My thigh was a little stingy the rest of the day and all I wanted to do was just go home.



I was exhausted. Not tired exhausted, just sick of today exhausted.




Finished with the dogs, had Ashley do the cats before she left, and than Toni came by to inform me that "Several employees have commented about" me "walking around and texting on my cell phone.

"
I held my tongue as she told me to save the texting till after work or during lunch.




I text Ashley and/or Jen to find out where she is when I need her help during work.


And I text people to figure out who's giving me a ride home.


I also walk when I text, so I can find something to do after I finish the message.




Decided I'd redeem myself by doing some extra stuff before I left.



I cleaned out all the dirty kennels, swept up the hair and dirt, as well as mopped up the urine and stains of poop that were on the floors.




Did a load of laundry, and started up some dishes.


Swept up around the boarding entrances, and did the usual evening cleaning before checking over in treatment and clocking off for the night.



I'm home now... hoping maybe today will get better.

One last time, at this thing called life.


I'm going to suck up my pride, and see if I can survive trying to be 'friends' with the person that's hurt me the most right now.


Key word is try.

I'm not going to force myself to struggle and make him accept me back into his life.
Nor am I going to allow him the power he still has.


I would like for the problems to stop.

To go back to the way it used to be before we dated.

Like the first few days we met each other.


I want him to know me,
Not the girl he dated.


Also,
I'm pushing myself to be that better person I want to be.


I've been doing good so far, so I'm adding onto it.

Hopefully, this doesn't kill me like I think it will.